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  <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mysticheaven</id>
  <title>Mysticheaven/Totoffle.</title>
  <subtitle>Or even Poppet Diddly.</subtitle>
  <author>
    <name>Emma. BSC. SSC.</name>
  </author>
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  <updated>2008-07-19T14:21:38Z</updated>
  <lj:journal username="mysticheaven" type="personal"/>
  <link rel="service.feed" type="application/x.atom+xml" href="http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/data/atom" title="Mysticheaven/Totoffle."/>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mysticheaven:472089</id>
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    <title>Salmon-ing.</title>
    <published>2008-07-19T14:21:38Z</published>
    <updated>2008-07-19T14:21:38Z</updated>
    <content type="html">FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THIS, I WILL PROBABLY DELETE IT LATER.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Has anyone here got a message from a Salmon? It's cool. I downloaded AIM just to see what the fuss was all about.&lt;br /&gt;(&lt;a href="http://kami-llama.livejournal.com/45999.html"&gt;http://kami-llama.livejournal.com/45999.html&lt;/a&gt;) &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I got a message from my very first Salmon about 10 minutes ago.&lt;br /&gt;Although, my salmon (EncyclicalSalmon) is very confused with this whole salmon-thing. I think it's quite interesting :-D He/She has gone now. Sadface.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was a salmon!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;[/urge to quote from KitKat advert]</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mysticheaven:384567</id>
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    <title>Big-assed Meme.</title>
    <published>2007-01-15T21:02:17Z</published>
    <updated>2008-04-20T01:51:39Z</updated>
    <category term="101in1001"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;I, &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a href="http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/profile"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;img style="BORDER-TOP-WIDTH: 0px; BORDER-LEFT-WIDTH: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM-WIDTH: 0px; VERTICAL-ALIGN: bottom; BORDER-RIGHT-WIDTH: 0px" height="17" alt="[info]" src="http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif" width="17"&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;mysticheaven&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;strong&gt;, hereby post this list of 101 things that I wish to complete in 1001 days. If I do, I will reward myself with a huge pat on the back, and maybe a special treat. &lt;br&gt;My 101 are listed below, along with the starting and end dates. I will report whenever I complete one, as well as printing this list out and crossing things off IRL I will include the date of completion and any proof that I have to back it up. &lt;br&gt;Signed: &lt;br&gt;&lt;em&gt;mysticheaven&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;/em&gt;I'll strike the things that I've done and italic...italicazize... do something else with those I've started. &lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;a name="cutid1"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br&gt;Starting January 15th 2007 – Ending Monday October 5th, 2009. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;1. &lt;strike&gt;Pass my driving test and get a car.&lt;/strike&gt; [Theory done on 6/03/07. Practical done on 10/08/07. Car = Mine. Photos &lt;a href="http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/411850.html" target="_blank"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;2.&lt;strike&gt; Pass my A-Levels.&lt;/strike&gt; [B-C-C! YAY I PASSED!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;3. Make a new very close friend online.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;4. Meet as many LJ friends as possible.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;5. &lt;strike&gt;Get a job&lt;/strike&gt;. [I have been told that my pathetic two-week job counted.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;6. &lt;strike&gt;Cook a proper meal (IE: Not using a microwave or ‘shoving something under the grill’).&lt;/strike&gt; [I made spaghetti for James and me the other day! Amazing.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;7. Try a new food at least once a month for 6 months or more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;8. See the Foo Fighters again.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;9. Meet, and get the autograph of, Ross Noble.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;10. Learn how to play bass, even basically (SWIDT?).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;11. Be ‘Online’ on MSN for at least three hours, and talk to everyone that talks to me. (AAAAAAH NOES)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;12. Learn code and code something basic.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;13. Finish 15minuteficlets (up to date!).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;14. Put on one stone, at least.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;15. Learn a useful skill, like putting up shelves.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;16. Discover a new band who PWN.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;17. Back up and organise all three hard drives.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;18. Get my laptop fixed so that &lt;strike&gt;I can have t’internet in Uni.&lt;/strike&gt; [I've got it at Uni, but it won't work here! Still working on that.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;19. &lt;em&gt;Tidy back bedroom and throw out all of the junk, or sell it.&lt;/em&gt; [Well, I have to anyway.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;20. Buy more CDs (esp. those that have been downloaded!). Let's say... ten. I never buy CDs.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;21. Get Frasier on DVD.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;22. &lt;strike&gt;Get over silly problem with member of TBE BBS. (May be difficult)&lt;/strike&gt; [Considering I never visit it anymore...]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;23. &lt;strike&gt;Go out without make-up on to see if it makes any difference.&lt;/strike&gt; [All the damn time now that it's started messing with my skin!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;24. &lt;strike&gt;Conform to THE FETISH ONCE... *Shudder*&lt;/strike&gt; [28/04/07. No I will not provide proof!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;25. Learn basic CSS.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;26. &lt;em&gt;Convince James to try three new foods.&lt;/em&gt; [1/3 done, picture coming soon!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;27. &lt;strike&gt;Get through a whole ICT lesson without using the internet for pain relief.&lt;/strike&gt; [Last Thursday actually, 8/3/07. I didn't even check my e-mail!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;28. One Word: Wax.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;29. Take James somewhere he actually wants to go and BE INTERESTED for serious. [&lt;i&gt;Transformers&lt;/i&gt; totally counts! No? Alright then.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;30. Convince James to take me somewhere I want to go, and make him interested.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;31. Drink at least a bottle of water a day for a whole week (Gotta start small).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;32. Go shopping in London and actually buy something.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;33. &lt;strike&gt;Get on a tram and go somewhere new, just because (Preferably with James).&lt;/strike&gt; [We went to &lt;strike&gt;Dumbledore&lt;/strike&gt; Dundonald Road! Proof &lt;a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/Totoffle/Photos/DSC00708.jpg"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt; and &lt;a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/Totoffle/Photos/DSC00707.jpg"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;. Full entry &lt;a href="http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/428238.html"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;34. &lt;strike&gt;Take no days off college until the end of the year unless vital for health/security/safety/etc.&lt;/strike&gt; [OH YES. PWNED. I would show you a picture of my attendance, but, no more college. And teachers marked me absent when I wasn't so it looks like I'm lying when I'm not.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strike&gt;35. Meet at least one of Teh Boyz. &lt;/strike&gt;(OH MY GOD)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;36. &lt;strike&gt;Complete my ICT Database before the deadline.&lt;/strike&gt; [OH YES. Handed in on 26/04/07]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;37. Do another Beanie Baby index.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;38. See a musical/play (NOT ANYTHING JAMES LIKES. Because they are lame, sorry baby).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;39. &lt;strike&gt;Have one last big party thing with my friends from A2.&lt;/strike&gt; [It sucked, but we did it! &lt;a href="http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/448488.html"&gt;Here's some pictures&lt;/a&gt;.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;40. Finish my Richard Branson book.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;41. Build a house of cards.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;42. Take a photo of something pretty/funny/cool/random once a day, for at least a week.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;43. Finish all fics that have been started.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;44. &lt;em&gt;Somehow get Hamlet by Kenneth Branagh (The looooong version) and watch it again&lt;/em&gt;. [I've got it!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;45. Learn the rest of To be, or not to be. I know the first 5 lines and you can test me on it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;46. Have ElliePop to stay with us in Brighton (I promised).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;47. Go to another concert with Teh ElliePop.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;48.&lt;strike&gt; Buy James what he really, really, really wants for birthday/Christmas, no matter how much I may not want to.&lt;/strike&gt; [His schmexeh watch, he wanted it.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;49. Meet my WIFE again, in Swindon this time.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;50. &lt;strike&gt;Kiss Sarah for James/Ben’s amusement.&lt;/strike&gt; [Oh, very much done. We grab each other's breasts now!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;51. &lt;em&gt;Read Enduring Love, even though it looks rubbish, I still want to. &lt;/em&gt;[Started it]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;52. Take Mum to London Aquarium.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;53. Get contact lenses.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;54. &lt;strike&gt;Say no to Sally, just once. (This one just won’t happen)&lt;/strike&gt; [It did! 18/04/07. She asked me to help and I said that I couldn't. Broke mah heart.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;55. Go out in all rainbow (e.g. red socks, orange t-shirt, yellow jacket… etc).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;56. &lt;em&gt;Send myself a FutureMe e-mail every year on January 14th.&lt;/em&gt; [One more to go, I believe.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;57. &lt;em&gt;Keep up with every expansion/stuff pack from The Sims 2.&lt;/em&gt; [Still on-going, but so far so good!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;58. Use my DS at least once a day for a month.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;59. Watch Brokeback Mountain… alone.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;60. Play Cupid for someone.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;61. &lt;strike&gt;Go to a fancy dress party.&lt;/strike&gt; [Does it count if it was my own? Well, if not, let me know. See #39 for some proofs.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;62. Learn at least basic Esperanto again.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;63. Stroke a penguin. Is this legal/safe? Well, I still want to do it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;64. Find an artist/poet to love.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;65. &lt;strike&gt;Find a new webcomic.&lt;/strike&gt; [&lt;a href="http://www.punchanpie.net/"&gt;Punch an' Pie!&lt;/a&gt; The sequel to &lt;a href="http://www.queenofwands.net/"&gt;Queen of Wands!&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;66. Read at least one book from the shelves in the computer room (NOT including The Sims 1 Guides!).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;67. See Paul McKenna again.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;68. Watch one new film a month and report it to LJ.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;69. Stop giggling at this number.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;70. Get a tan.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;71. &lt;strike&gt;Throw away/give away at least three pairs of shoes… to make room for three NEW pairs of shoes!&lt;/strike&gt; [Threw away LOOOOADS more than 3. And have purchased 7 new pairs XD]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;72. &lt;strike&gt;Save £1000 in bank account.&lt;/strike&gt; [Done. I'll post my bank statement if you want XD]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;73. &lt;strike&gt;Do a Sudoku that is three stars or more, without cheating.&lt;/strike&gt; [STFU, fact that it took me two days! I did a FIVE STAR!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;74. Watch MTV Base for 30 minutes without screaming.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;75. Have a new website.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;76. Decide on a sexual orientation and stay with it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;77. Write at least 3 letters to my Wife.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;78. Don’t touch money in my Halifax account unless life-threateningly necessary.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;79. &lt;strike&gt;Find a new comedian to join the ranks of my favourites.&lt;/strike&gt; [Mitchell and Webb count, I think. Failing that, Greg Proops.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;80. &lt;strike&gt;Watch every episode of Top Gear (at least with Teh Boyz) again. The whole thing, not just the fun bits.&lt;/strike&gt; [DONES. *Sadface* BUT I'VE STARTED AGAIN.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;81. Write a fic for three ‘new’ fandoms (e.g. ones I’ve never written for before).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;82. Take at least a feigned interest in politics (e.g. learn which party is which and who is in charge).&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;83. Tidy up the computer cables and keep them tidy.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;84. Find a shampoo that actually stops the fluffiness/fuzziness, rather than encouraging it.&lt;/em&gt; [I'm still deciding.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;85. &lt;strike&gt;Clear up my bookmarks on the PCs and laptop (OMG, so many websites that don’t exist anymore!).&lt;/strike&gt; [Done. &lt;a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v310/Totoffle/PCFavesProof.jpg"&gt;PC proof here&lt;/a&gt;. Well, sort of.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;86. Fix the internet on the PC upstairs.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;87. Find and watch my video of Petrolheads so that I can have the dreaded task of choosing between Chris and Richard.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;88. Go abroad, and not to France or Germany, they don’t count.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;89. Win something on the lottery.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;90. &lt;em&gt;Learn how to play a new card game (but not poker). &lt;/em&gt;[James is teaching me 'Blackjack' that isn't actually called Blackjack, and he attempted Poker too!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;91. Clean out the box at the bottom of my bed. So that I can put sheets and pillow cases etc in it, rather than having them under my bed.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;92. &lt;strike&gt;Sleep in the same bed as James (properly).&lt;/strike&gt; [27/04/07-29/04/04, best weekend ever. And many times since.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;93. Have one last girly sleepover before University.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;94. Convince someone else to read John Dies at the End, the full way through, including the sequel.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;95. Pay off my debts in Animal Crossing: Wild World, adopt a friend for Poppy in Nintendogs, finish the missions in Mario Kart and ‘complete’ The Sims 2 DS.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;96. &lt;strike&gt;Finish Spyro 3, with or without James’ help.&lt;/strike&gt; [YAY, finished on 25/04/07!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;97. &lt;strike&gt;Play The Dare Game again, as it is most fun.&lt;/strike&gt; [I wish we'd taken pictures! But I did, twice. Once with Sarah and once with her, James and Tom.]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;98. Actually try to complete NaNoWriMo once.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;99. Find a sport that I am actually … good is too strong a word… average at. Rather than hopeless. [I'm guessing EyeToy Play doesn't count? Because I am REALLY GOOD at that. WHO DOES KITTY LOVE, EMMY-LIZ?! NOT YOU! &amp;lt;/mean&amp;gt;]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;100. &lt;em&gt;Learn how to play chess. &lt;/em&gt;[With the help of Windows Vista, I'm getting there!]&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;101. Complete at least 50 things on this list! If I can manage that, I will be &lt;em&gt;SO&lt;/em&gt; pleased.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mysticheaven:325083</id>
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    <title>*Shrug* Whatever, but I've always thought it was such a cool meme.</title>
    <published>2006-06-09T01:46:11Z</published>
    <updated>2006-06-09T01:46:11Z</updated>
    <category term="memes"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;em&gt;Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously&lt;br /&gt;Anything.&lt;br /&gt;A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like.&lt;br /&gt;Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.&lt;/em&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Public, natch, and... whatever.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mysticheaven:210460</id>
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    <title>mysticheaven @ 2006-01-13T23:43:00</title>
    <published>2006-01-13T23:43:28Z</published>
    <updated>2006-01-13T23:43:28Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/memojuez/75139.html" target="_blank"&gt;Best blonde joke ever.&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mysticheaven:174369</id>
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    <title>mysticheaven @ 2005-11-24T19:24:00</title>
    <published>2005-11-24T19:24:12Z</published>
    <updated>2005-12-03T01:43:12Z</updated>
    <category term="fics"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;a name="cutid1"&gt;&lt;/a&gt; &lt;br /&gt;Who remembers this:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/mysticheaven/98815.html" target="_blank"&gt;Uz is Arrested!&lt;/a&gt; ?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Well, from the talented brain of &lt;span class='ljuser' lj:user='mysticheaven' style='white-space: nowrap;'&gt;&lt;a href='http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/profile'&gt;&lt;img src='http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href='http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/'&gt;&lt;b&gt;mysticheaven&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; (IE: Me), and with a little help from her favourite wife, &lt;span class='ljuser' lj:user='x_forever_me_x' style='white-space: nowrap;'&gt;&lt;a href='http://x-forever-me-x.livejournal.com/profile'&gt;&lt;img src='http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href='http://x-forever-me-x.livejournal.com/'&gt;&lt;b&gt;x_forever_me_x&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;, we bring you...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;u&gt;Uz Gets Married! And Divorced! And Married Again!&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/u&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;u&gt;Characters:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/u&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;Sorry dear.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Uz's unflappable lawyer [Sort of by choice]. Yeah, right, she's mad. Useless, bless ;-)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma - &lt;/b&gt;Can play any character, and does. In this case, Vicar, Judge, every other miscellaneous character.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scared Lady - &lt;/b&gt;Turns out to be Uz's Mother.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Someone Else &lt;/b&gt;- A random person.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Teh Evil Courtney Love.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Man -&lt;/b&gt; Courtney's hit-man. Man has no real personality. Or name.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;Sergeant Dale Smith. Only the best sergeant in the history of the World.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Court Clerk - &lt;/b&gt;Does lots of whispering.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Nate Mendel - &lt;/b&gt;Bassist in &lt;i&gt;Teh Foo.&lt;/i&gt; Huge cock.&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;So, enough of this FOOlery, &lt;b&gt;ON WITH THE UZ-NESS!&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;But I don't want to marry Courtney Love! She's weird, strange, has a unusual fashion sense, and has a worrying rash that I think you should know abo... &lt;i&gt;[Falls to floor]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Man - &lt;/b&gt;Bwahahaha.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Well done, Man. You have knocked him out well. I shall reward you. &lt;i&gt;[Gives him a steak]&lt;/i&gt; Now I shall marry this poor, unsuspecting youth! Then my plan shall be complete!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;[At the Church...]&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Vicar - &lt;/b&gt;...and Uz, you &lt;i&gt;do&lt;/i&gt; take this... uh... Courtney Love, to be your lawful Wedded wife. Right?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Shouts] &lt;/i&gt;No!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Vicar - &lt;/b&gt;Sorry, didn't quite catch that... Say again?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Screams desperately]&lt;/i&gt; NO!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Vicar&lt;/b&gt; - &lt;i&gt;[Looks at Sibby] &lt;/i&gt;Was that a yes?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;I think it was, yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Vicar - &lt;/b&gt;It was wasn't it?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;It was.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! &lt;i&gt;[Sobs hysterically]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Vicar - &lt;/b&gt;You may kiss the Groom, Bride.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Bwahahaha... &lt;i&gt;[Grabs Uz and kisses him]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[To a lady she's sitting next to] &lt;/i&gt;I got him off last time you know.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scared Lady - &lt;/b&gt;...WHAT?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Uz. I got him off.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scared Lady - &lt;/b&gt;I'm his MOTHER! Do you really want &lt;i&gt;me&lt;/i&gt; to know that!?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Well... I assumed you knew! It was quite a big thing.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scared Lady - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Faints]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[To someone else] &lt;/i&gt;Well... That was unnecessary, I can't help being a lawyer!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Someone Else - &lt;/b&gt;I don't think she knew that.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Well I don't know what on &lt;i&gt;earth&lt;/i&gt; she thought I meant.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;[At the Police Station]&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;H'okay, so, what do we have here? ... Ah, Mr. Uz. Back again are we? What've we done now? I seem to remember it was only a few months ago you were charged with stealing hair.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;I &lt;i&gt;didn't&lt;/i&gt; do anything...&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;... A likely story. What've you done?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt; haven't done &lt;i&gt;anything&lt;/i&gt;. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;A likely story.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;...&lt;b&gt; &lt;/b&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Sensing he's getting nowhere] I've&lt;/i&gt; come to report marriage against my will, and being knocked on the head with a breakfast tray.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;A breakfast tray?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;A breakfast tray.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;Well what were you doing playing with a breakfast tray at six o'clock in the evening? That's just asking for trouble.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;I wasn't! I was brutally attacked and then suddenly I was in a suit!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;A suit, sir?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;... Yes, a suit!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;Well what were you doing...&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;LOOK! I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE IN THE SUIT! I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE BASHED OVER THE HEAD! I DID NOT CHOOSE TO MARRY COURTNEY LOVE!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;You married Courtney Love?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;Apparently.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;The same Courtney Love who was married to Kurt Cobain?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;Who was in Nirvana?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;With Dave Grohl?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;Who didn't like Courtney Love?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz -&lt;/b&gt; Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;The same Courtney Love that you married?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;YES!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy - &lt;/b&gt;OH MY GOD! Can you get her autograph?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;... I think I'm going to have to sit down.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;[In The Court Room]&lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Emma-Judge - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Enters the room with a mop on her head]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;People in Court - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Laugh madly]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge - &lt;/b&gt;SILENCE! What is so funny!?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Court Clerk - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Whispers to her]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma - &lt;/b&gt;Oh. &lt;i&gt;[Goes away and comes back with proper wig.]&lt;/i&gt; The court is in session now I suppose. This had better be quick, I'm missing The Bill for this. I can't be bothered with all that formal nonsense. &lt;i&gt;[Nods to Sibby] &lt;/i&gt;Just start. &lt;i&gt;[Lays back in chair and puts feet up on desk]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Your Honour, my Wife, the mother of my child... I would like to start, if I may, by pointing out my client.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge &lt;/b&gt;- Go ahead.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Points to Uz, who has buried his face in his hands]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge - &lt;/b&gt;Very good, very good.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Now. I would like to point to the wife of my client, and then proceed to ask her some questions.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge - &lt;/b&gt;Very good, very good.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;Is that all you can say?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge - &lt;/b&gt;No, I can also say &lt;i&gt;silence&lt;/i&gt;, in a loud, menacing voice... Oh. SILENCE! Carry on, Wife.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby &lt;/b&gt;- Thank you. &lt;i&gt;[Points to Courtney Love]&lt;/i&gt; Okay. So, Ms. Courtney Love. Come here.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;What? Oh. &lt;i&gt;[Gets up and enters the dock]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;So. Your name is Courtney Love?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby -&lt;/b&gt; ... No further questions.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;Uh... Sibby? &lt;i&gt;[Beckons to her. She walks over and he whispers in her ear.]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Oh. Right, yeah, okay. Uh... So, you're &lt;i&gt;the&lt;/i&gt; Courtney Love?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Who was married to Kurt Cobain?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Who was in Nirvana?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;With Dave Grohl? &lt;i&gt;[Allows a few minutes for Emma-Judge to ramble about Teh Grohl]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Spits]&lt;/i&gt; Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge- &lt;/b&gt;DO NOT BE ANGRY WITH DAVID ERIC GROHL, BORN 14TH OF JANUARY 1969, MEMBER OF NIRVANA, SCREAM, QUEENS OF THE STONEAGE, TENACIOUS D AND OF COURSE THE FOO FIGHTERS, DRUMMED FOR THE BANGLES, P DIDDY, DAVID BOWIE... &lt;i&gt;[Has to be sedated] &lt;/i&gt;Ah. That's better. Carry on, Siobhan.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Is used to this, doesn't faze her]&lt;/i&gt; Thank you, your Honour. So, Courtney Love. You didn't get on with Dave Grohl, did you?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;No.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;...WHAT HAS THIS GOT TO DO WITH ME!?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Self, self, self, you'll never change!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge - &lt;/b&gt;SILENCE!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;I quite agree. Now. Courtney Love. Is it true that you employed this... man, Man, to knock my client... that's him there &lt;i&gt;[Points to Uz]&lt;/i&gt;... unconscious, so that you could marry him in an attempt to take over the World?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;So you admit it?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Well, I'm still not convinced. Are you, Uz?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Bashes head against the table]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;[Later]&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge - &lt;/b&gt;I have made my decision. Uz, you are guilty of stealing hair.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Court Clerk - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Whispers to her]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma Judge - &lt;/b&gt;Oh do be quiet. &lt;i&gt;[Sigh]&lt;/i&gt; Fine, fine, Uz, you haven't done anything. Courtney Love, you have been found guilty of marrying, in your own words, this &lt;i&gt;poor, unsuspecting youth &lt;/i&gt;so that you could take over the World.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Courtney Love - &lt;/b&gt;I just want to say, that it was Nate. Nate made me do it.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Court Clerk- &lt;/b&gt;Nate? Who is Nate?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Nate Mendel - &lt;/b&gt;I am he! I am Nate Mendel, bassist of the Foo Fighters. Huge cock. And I am planning to take over the WOOOORLD. With Courtney Love as my Deputy. &lt;i&gt;[Laughs manically]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Court Clerk - &lt;/b&gt;Well, your Honour, I think we'll have to start this case all over again.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Judge - &lt;/b&gt;No 'effing way! I'm off. Case closed and all that. &lt;i&gt;[Leaves]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Nate Mendel - &lt;/b&gt;Bugger. I fancied prison.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;What about &lt;i&gt;me&lt;/i&gt;?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Courtney Love is right you know. So selfish all the time...&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;... [Puts head down on table. Cries with despair.]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;[Even later... at a 'special hospital']&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Rocking back and forward in a corner, muttering&lt;/i&gt;]&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Nurse - &lt;/b&gt;Okay, it's time for your medication now Mr. Uz. And we have a visitor for you!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Is pushed into the room. Shouts at person.]&lt;/i&gt; WELL THERE'S NO NEED TO BE RUDE! Ah, hello Uz. I have some good news for you.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Hides behind his hands] &lt;/i&gt;No.. Take her away... Please...&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Nurse - &lt;/b&gt;She wasn't actually the visitor we had in mind, but I guess she's a visitor too. What do you want to tell him? The patient is nearly ready for his sponge-bath. Big Jim is preparing the tub.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;... [Shakes]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;Well, it's just that we have arranged some compensation... of sorts.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Snaps out of it, and scrambles to his feet.] &lt;/i&gt;What?! WHAT!? &lt;i&gt;[Pushes Sibby against the wall and shakes her] &lt;/i&gt;TELL ME! NOW! &lt;i&gt;[Shakes her again]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Nurse - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Pushes a needle into Uz... Or not.]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Falls to floor. Snores.]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Gets up slowly and shakes her head] &lt;/i&gt;What... Where... Who...?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;SIBBY! COMPENSATION! ME! WHAT IS IT?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;You? Who're y... Ohhhh, I remember now, you're the one I got off!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma-Nurse - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Faints]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;That's the second person to faint because of me this week. Anyway, yes, compensation. You know Kate Bush?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;Yes! YES! I don't like her. But I love her. But I don't like her. So... what's she got to go with all of this? OH MY GOD! Is she going to send me her autograph in compensation!? Or am I going to get a limited edition of all of her albums?! That she's signed!? Or, or, or, am I going to get to meet her!?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;No, no, nothing like that.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz -&lt;/b&gt; Well &lt;i&gt;what&lt;/i&gt; then?!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;She's given us permission for you to marry her.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz - &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Faints on top of Nurse-Emma]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby - &lt;/b&gt;I really wish people would stop doing that.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;[THE END. For now.]&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Thank you, thank you. I am not aware of whether Uz likes Kate Bush. But I was told he liked her. And thus the story was born. Please excuse any scariness or things of non-understanding. And yes, there had to be a &lt;em&gt;Grohl-Reference&lt;/em&gt; in there. I've been writing this for about 800 years (Since... August.) so there we go.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Public, because everyone will want to read it, I'm sure ;-)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Mystic/Emma-Vicar/Emma-Judge/Emma-Nurse&lt;br /&gt;xx&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mysticheaven:98815</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/98815.html"/>
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    <title>mysticheaven @ 2005-06-14T22:10:00</title>
    <published>2005-06-14T21:10:54Z</published>
    <updated>2005-06-14T22:10:50Z</updated>
    <content type="html">*Coughs* Ahem, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the star-studded premiere of 'Uz is Arrested!', written by &lt;span class='ljuser' lj:user='mysticheaven' style='white-space: nowrap;'&gt;&lt;a href='http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/profile'&gt;&lt;img src='http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href='http://mysticheaven.livejournal.com/'&gt;&lt;b&gt;mysticheaven&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;, with help from &lt;span class='ljuser' lj:user='x_forever_me_x' style='white-space: nowrap;'&gt;&lt;a href='http://x-forever-me-x.livejournal.com/profile'&gt;&lt;img src='http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href='http://x-forever-me-x.livejournal.com/'&gt;&lt;b&gt;x_forever_me_x&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;! &amp;lt;333 Changed slightly&amp;nbsp;for reasons that are not to be announced, otherwise I wouldn't have changed it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name="cutid1"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/strong&gt;Alright mate, I'm arresting you for stealing hair, including that of my senior officer, DCI Jack Meadows. You do not have to say anything...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Uz: &lt;/strong&gt;But...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/strong&gt;Sh. As I was saying, you do not have to say anything, but anything you do say... &lt;em&gt;[Repeats caution]. &lt;/em&gt;Got that? Good, right, in the car. *Bundles Uz into car*&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;~MEANWHILE~&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/em&gt;Gina: &lt;/strong&gt;Noooo, what are you doi... &lt;em&gt;[Collapses]&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Emma: &lt;/strong&gt;Good. &lt;em&gt;[Puts on inspectors&amp;nbsp;uniform] &lt;/em&gt;Now Smiffy will think I'm Inspector Gold! Bwahahaha!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;~At the desk~&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/em&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/strong&gt;I've brought in another one caught stealing hair, Sarge.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;June: &lt;/strong&gt;... You don't have to call me Sarge, Smiffy, we're the same rank, you're a ... Oh, never mind. What did you say? Another one caught stealing HAIR!?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/strong&gt;Yes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;June: &lt;/strong&gt;Smiffy, nobody has ever been caught stealing hair.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/strong&gt;Yes, last week!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;June: &lt;/strong&gt;... No, that was a laptop.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/strong&gt;Oh. They sound kind of the same!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;June: &lt;/strong&gt;... Okay son, what's your name?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Uz: &lt;/strong&gt;I WANT A LAWYER!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;June: &lt;/strong&gt;Okay. Do you have a lawyer?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Uz: &lt;/strong&gt;Not exactly, no. I'll have... &lt;i&gt;[Looks around]&lt;/i&gt; HER! &lt;i&gt;[Points to Sibby]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby: &lt;/b&gt;Wha...? Oh, lawyer? Yes, I'm a lawyer. Yes. Yes. Coffee, yes. &lt;i&gt;[Laughs madly]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;June: &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[To Uz]&lt;/i&gt; Are you sure?!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;I haven't really got much choice, have I!?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;~At the Interview~&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/em&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/strong&gt;Right, lad, you've been accused of stealing hair. Why did you do it?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;I &lt;i&gt;DIDN'T&lt;/i&gt; do it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;That's what they all say. &lt;i&gt;[Turns to Sibby]&lt;/i&gt; Do you have anything to say on behalf of your cli...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Emma enters the room, dressed as Gina, complete with fag and whisky]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma: &lt;/b&gt;Sorry I'm late... Sibby! Wife!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby: &lt;/b&gt;Em... &lt;i&gt;[Notices Emma violently shaking her head and mouthing something]&lt;/i&gt; Uh, I mean, Inspector Gold! Nice to see you!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;You know each other?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby: &lt;/b&gt;Oh yeah, we're mar... Um...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma: &lt;/b&gt;Married.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;Surely that's illegal!?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby: &lt;/b&gt;Shhh, you're not doing yourself any favours.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma: &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Sits down]&lt;/i&gt; What's going on?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;He's been arrested for stealing hair, ma'am.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma: &lt;/b&gt;Wait... You're... SMIFFY! OH MY GOD! SMIFFY ARSE! SQUEEEEEEEEEEE! &lt;i&gt;[Faints dead on floor]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Raises eyebrow]&lt;/i&gt; Ohhhkaaaay... &lt;i&gt;[Turns to Sibby]&lt;/i&gt; Uh... Siobhan? What are you doing?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby: &lt;/b&gt;... Nothing!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;Yes you are, I saw you! What are you doing!?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby: &lt;/b&gt;... Looking at the tape to see how it works... And I though that the best way to open it would be with this crowbar... and I kind of broke it, but it wasn't my fault, you see, because Emm... Gina made me jump when she screamed about your arse, and my hand slipped and it... cracked in half and I'm really sorry but you can't blame me because it wasn't my fault and you can't prove it because your tape... machine is broken! &lt;i&gt;[Faints from exaustion]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Looks confused]&lt;/i&gt; Um...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Smiffy gets up and leaves the room]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Three minutes later, Smiffy returns]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;I've just been for a pee.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Nods, because he understands, because men like to announce that kind of thing.]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;Right where were we?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;We were disussing how I apparently stole some hair. Except that I didn't, and when you arrested me, I was just innocently walking down the road, eating this sandwich.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;We will need to keep the bread-based product for evidence. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;... You scare me, can I go now?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;No!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma: &lt;/b&gt;YES!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;I thought you were dead?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma: &lt;/b&gt;I am your Inspector, and if I want to come back from the dead, I will, and if you have a problem with that, sunshine...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;No Ma'am, no problem. I love you Gina.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma: &lt;/b&gt;Yes, well, I love Sibby. So hush yo mouth, muthafucka.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;Can I go?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby: &lt;/b&gt;Yes. I'm not fainted-ed-ed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Uz: &lt;/strong&gt;'I &lt;i&gt;didn't&lt;/i&gt; faint', you mean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Sibby: &lt;/b&gt;No, I mean 'I'm not fainted-ed-ed.'. I'm Sibby.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Uz: &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Rolls his eyes at poor joke]&lt;/i&gt; Come on, let's go and buy a spatula.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[They leave Smiffy and Gina/Emma together and walk off to the spatula shop, which exists because the writer says so..]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;The Real Gina: &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Comes in]&lt;/i&gt; WHAT IN BLAZES IS GOING ON HERE!?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Smiffy: &lt;/b&gt;Ma'am! But... Ma'am! I love you! But I love her! But I love you! But...!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Gina: &lt;/b&gt;Oh stop your blathering, I love Jonathan anyway. Now, where is that little cow that stole my unif.. my whisky?!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Emma: &lt;/b&gt;&lt;i&gt;[Attempts to hide behind plant]&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;~The End~&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;*Shrug* Sorry to Uz, Smiffy/Alex Walkinshaw and Gina/Roberta Taylor. Not sorry to Sibby, because no :-P&lt;br /&gt;I made Smiffy out to be exceptionally stupid here, I'm sorry Smiffy, you are very clever.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;EDIT: I said 'tape machine' and meant tape recorder. Simon has just informed me, albeit accidently, that this is what I meant. Can't change it, don't have the heart to. I am sorry that I am a retard :-P&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Mystic/Gina&lt;br /&gt;xx</content>
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